He's still in the hospital. He's been running a fever and they're watching his various chemistry levels closely. He's not eating well and has all kinds of issues going on right now. Last night I was very worried about him. Today he seems a bit better. When he comes home he'll be on an IV for fighting infection. I know he wants to get back to raiding, but I don't know how soon that will be. He's bouncing back very slowly, but it is a slow process for him.
Candaan's back in the hospital. He was out for almost a week, but his hemoglobin started dropping too low. They've got that under control now I think. We're hoping he'll be home today but they're also dealing with a high heart rate. They think the swelling he's been having may be contributing to that. He needs to get all this stuff under control before he can begin chemo again and it just seems that it's one thing after another. After 3 years of chemo he has a very delicate system and so they need to treat every symptom very carefully. He's anxious to get back to the game, which is a good sign. He misses everyone and the game.
Candaan passed away early Wednesday morning. He's had pancreatic cancer for over 3 1/2 years now. He's fought it bravely, (as any gnome would do) and you might say he lost the battle, but he did not. He won the battle because he outlived what his doctor believed he would do. He told him on one visit that he's not even in the text book anymore. He's off on his own and they were just winging it with what steps to take next.
He's had a very rough time since August. He'd gotten much weaker and had so many more issues to deal with. Your body can take only so much sickness and chemo before it starts giving in. He was determined to raid last Sunday because his guild, this raid team and the game mean so very much to him. He loved every aspect of it and was the driving force for many around him, including his own family.
We started playing EQ about a year after it came out. It was a birthday present for our son, and very quickly we were all playing together, son, daughter and Candaan and myself. I was away when the others started and when I got home, they told me I'd be the healer. Candaan was the gnome mage, our son the tank warrior, our daughter the enchanter. They needed a healer. I said I don't play video games and 18 years later I'm still saying that. I wouldn't have given up any minute of those 18 years. It brought us even closer as a family and expanded our family and friends to people we never actually met, but probably knew better than many of our real life friends. Our daughter met and married in game (I married them and Parallaks mother, a minister, married them in real life) 11 years later their marriage is very strong and both of their children have characters they run around with and enjoy playing. Both of our children have moved on and have busy lives and families of their own, so EQ has taken a place in their memories, but they both got on once in a while to play with daddy and he just loved that.
He and I were quite the team ingame. I swear his pets could out tank most warriors (sorry, but true) and with his gang of 2 mages, chanter, mercs and myself, I think we did ok for ourselves. This was reserved for when we couldn't get full groups but he also made sure his gang was up to date gear wise so they wouldn't fall back.
He loved EQ dearly and always said it's a great outlet for someone who had physical limitations. He never dreamed he'd be in this group, but he was and it was truly a great outlet for him. His only frustration was that he developed neuropathy to the point where typing was hard for him to do much. Sitting for a long time was also tough because he'd get abdominal pains...but with all of this he was determined.
He wanted to raid Tuesday and in the morning said he probably would, and he had a great day, took a walk outside, sat out back and enjoyed listening to the neighbor unsuccessfully try starting his lawnmower for several hours. Around 5pm he wasn't feeling so well so he went in to lay down and started getting severe abdominal pains. I finally had to run him to the ER around 11pm. He had a blood clot pressing on his small intestine so bad that it was cutting of proper flow which affected not only his intestines but liver and kidney as well. Later that night I asked the doctor if this was something that was building or would it have happened quickly. They said it could happen within a matter of hours, and I believe that was the case for Candaan. Surgery was not an option and so we made the decision to just make him as comfortable as possible and let nature take its course. He was peaceful all day Wednesday and family was all around him, thankfully. He passed away early Thursday morning with our kids, his brother and me staying with him. Luckily he was pain free then.
He was the love of my life and I can't imagine life without him, but we've also prepared for this and life will go on. We have a very supportive family who are all here now. Our daughter lives only 3 doors down. We have fantastic grandchildren and he's left me in good hands.
As far as EQ goes it will always remain a huge part of our lives. I told the kids yesterday that I'm probably done with it now, but this morning I don't think that I can be....as I said, it's a huge part of our lives and I know Candaan would not want me to give up on it now.
Realistically, I'm a healer, a cleric. We're known not only for burning our bread, but also not being able to get from point A to point B without getting lost. My guild knows not to follow me anywhere because I'll still get lost in PoK. All my EQ life I've followed my family around, my guild mates around and Candaan around. I've never lead anyone anywhere, nor would I want to, soooo when I do return please be patient with me and expect me to follow. I think I play a half way decent cleric as long as I'm put where I need to be and told what to do. Getting there is my battle and at this point in the game, my embarrassment
I love you all. Candaan loves you all. We've appreciated all your support during his illness. We know there were frustrations with him at times. He can be a hard nose gnome, but his main focus was always doing our best in the game, no matter what. Fun came along with that ahd he did have FUN!
I don't know if I can ever log him on again, but I'm sure I will, in a bit of time. I just need time for things to sink in and settle. I'm sorry to be so wordy here but you all do mean a lot to us and sometimes you just have to pour your heart out. I did just that...If you see anyone in Prophets please pass the word on to them, especially those few who still raid. It's one thing for me to log on to these boards ( early morning chosen carefully because usually no one is on) but I just can't bring myself to log on to the game yet. As important as our guild is to me, it's just too emotional to do right now....another thing, in time.
I am so sorry that he is gone. It is not just your loss, but a loss to all of CTA. We all loved him. I have the greatest respect for him and I am very sad. I understand if you find it too hard to log back into EQ, but you always have a home here and I hope we will see you some more. Take all the time you need and tell your family that I said thank you for loaning him to us all those raid nights. It was an honor to play with him.
The news on Candaan saddened me.I only found out beginning of sundays raid..i am so sorry cienna and family.you guys were friends of mine from way back..i always kept in touch hoping again we would reunite.im glad for the time we had..prayers to you and your family.hugs.